Tony Bock

WOMEN WHO DRINK GAIN LESS WEIGHT They’re keeping off the pounds by running from cops and from...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:44:00 -0500

WOMEN WHO DRINK GAIN LESS WEIGHT They’re keeping off the pounds by running from cops and from...

I think I’ve “struck gold” today - in my...

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:05:41 -0500

I think I’ve “struck gold” today - in my neverending quest to find the perfect lawsuit - thanks to Lindsay Lohan, of course…

See, Lindsay’s suing E-Trade for $100 million claiming a character (the boyfriend-stealing, “milkaholic”) “Lindsay” in their new campaign is SO OBVS based on…her!

Well, Kellogg’s, get your legal team ready, because “Tony the Tiger” is OBVIOUSLY based on ME!

I say “Grrrreat!” ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

Everyone’s been talking about the similarity!

$200 Million sounds like about enough to repair the damage to my reputation…

So Saturday - due to a last minute cancellation - I was asked if I wanted to participate in...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:37:30 -0500

So Saturday - due to a last minute cancellation - I was asked if I wanted to participate in...

Revenge

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:44:00 -0500

is a dish best served with horse manure styled to look like chocolate

U.S. WILL DETERMINE WHO CAN BOARD SOME CANADIAN FLIGHTS Now whether they land on-time depends on...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 15:00:00 -0500

U.S. WILL DETERMINE WHO CAN BOARD SOME CANADIAN FLIGHTS Now whether they land on-time depends on...

Zach Galifianakis & Vampire Weekend on one “SNL”...

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:23:32 -0500

Zach Galifianakis & Vampire Weekend on one “SNL” episode is so EPIC that people all over Brooklyn - from Williamsburg to Park Slope - are considering pooling their monies together to buy a TV!

Well FUCK!

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:04:48 -0500

The Dollar Store DOES NOT take credit cards!

So I was walking along in Brooklyn last night - in one of those...

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:36:19 -0500

So I was walking along in Brooklyn last night - in one of those areas that’s not too far from where I live, yet one that I’d never been to before - when I got to a block that was unexpectedly…nice. And cool!

And I actually stopped in front of one building just to look - an obviously brand new structure (which stuck out compared to the stately old brownstones next to it) which had an awesome set of balconies and a cool design.

I was impressed.

Then, I heard something. Some pebbles rustling down near my feet.

I looked down, and saw a HUGE RAT - beady eyes staring right into mine, hind legs aggressively kicking up gravel… He sped off as I braced myself to jump away from his advance.

I quickly fled.

And for those of you reading this who don’t live out here - that’s what it’s like.

HIM: Thanks to Tony Bock for leading the charge! ME: Yeah… I’m General Custer…

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 11:39:07 -0500

HIM: Thanks to Tony Bock for leading the charge! ME: Yeah… I’m General Custer…

A Famous Person

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 10:40:51 -0500

upon hearing my plans to “make it” in show business years ago - gave me advice...

SIZE-D IMPLANTS SAVED WOMAN’S LIFE By stopping a bullet! (tearing up) That’s what I call...

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 10:57:11 -0500

SIZE-D IMPLANTS SAVED WOMAN’S LIFE By stopping a bullet! (tearing up) That’s what I call...

You reap what you sow...

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 09:43:30 -0500

Why oh why did I only plant all those Staggering Debt seeds???

Bad Pick-Up Line:

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 12:37:00 -0500

(singing) Get outta my dreams…and into my car… actually, hold up…wait, no,...

Rut Coach

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:48:14 -0500

If people can be Life Coaches then why can’t I be a Rut Coach??? I can instruct you on how to...

Good Band Name:

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 10:08:00 -0500

The Royal Tomorrow

So I just saw this new Fabreze ad - basically the family’s...

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:41:00 -0500

So I just saw this new Fabreze ad - basically the family’s sitting around when an animated fish flies through the room, bothering everybody (last night’s dinner) - a spray of Fabreze and everything’s good…

Got me thinking about some follow-up’s for this campaign - perhaps an animated, flying log of shit comes out the bathroom, everyone looks, dad sprays a bit of Fabreze towards his backside and it goes away…

Or a guy comes home, late - his girlfriend rolls over in bed to see an animated, flying vagina come out of the guys pants, to great awkwardness, dude sprays a bit of Fabreze at his crotch and it goes away…

Fabreze: It’s a breath of fresh air!

And…You’re Welcome!

I was unable to do a post yesterday… I had to just take a...

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 11:37:00 -0500

I was unable to do a post yesterday…

I had to just take a day to get back into a reasonable headspace…after the SHOCKING news of the day before…

Which - if you’ve been living under a rock - was this:

In Las Vegas, Nevada, an unnamed “escort” service was - fucking get this - passing around cards on the street that A) are using the image of a nude model WHO IS NOT ACTUALLY AN ESCORT AT ALL, LET ALONE ONE WORKING FOR THAT SERVICE!!!!!! and B) aren’t even using her REAL NAME!!!!!! and C) are lying - they’re claiming if you call that you’ll get that girl from the pic!

I have trouble even writing that it’s so preposterous!

If there’s one thing you pick up quick in the fast world of NYC/Vegas/Miami/Chicago/San Fran escorting, it’s this - when you see a picture and a name advertised - that’s the real girl and her real name that you get!!!

It’s just common courtesy - escort services run the risk of ruining their reputation or having complaints filed with the Better Business Bureau if they even considered lying about the appearance and name of their workers…

What’s this world coming to???

HIM: They say ignorance is bliss… and you’re one happy motherfucker! ME: (pause) I just...

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 10:06:00 -0500

HIM: They say ignorance is bliss… and you’re one happy motherfucker! ME: (pause) I just...

CORRECTION!

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:15:39 -0500

Okay, sorry… just looked up “Begrudge” in the dictionary… I was wrong...

This is one of those ‘Complete the joke with your very own...

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 16:40:00 -0500

This is one of those ‘Complete the joke with your very own hilarious caption!’ posts…

I don’t know - but there’s somethin’ really funny to me about this photo, which I took in my apartment building (in making-everything-more-hilarious-always Park Slope, Brooklyn) today…

Related: I’ve read every single one of those books, but was too ashamed (?) to (even publicly & anonymously) give them away…(?)