Tony Bock

I was exhausted from moving…didn’t want to do...

Thu, 09 Sep 2010 16:35:35 -0400

I was exhausted from moving…didn’t want to do anything but sit back and have a laugh at some dumb comedy…I was excited and in the perfect frame of mind for this one, I thought…

When the movie came out several months ago, someone actually said Ryan Phillippe stole ”MacGruber”…

NO - “MacGruber” stole Ryan Phillippe…

And $4.95 for inDemand!

And 1 hour and 35 minutes of my life!!!!!!!!!!!

And some amount of storage space in my brain!

You know it’s horrid when you seriously regret not renting “Hot Tub Time Machine”…

My advice? Wait for it to go to cable before not watching it!

So… as I was saying - I moved. Let’s state some ground rules on my awesome new room -...

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 15:58:30 -0400

So… as I was saying - I moved. Let’s state some ground rules on my awesome new room -...

WOW!

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 15:20:54 -0400

Finishing up moving out today… Crazy… Not a good sign: Can’t decide which reality...

I always thought my unprofitable, outside the mainstream media/popular culture comedy act had placed...

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:43:02 -0400

I always thought my unprofitable, outside the mainstream media/popular culture comedy act had placed...

Speaking as a broke germaphobe...

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 13:30:13 -0400

I find all this talk of a double-dip ESPECIALLY terrifying…

HIM: I can’t believe you don’t think that’s Bullshit… ME: That’s so...

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 13:05:27 -0400

HIM: I can’t believe you don’t think that’s Bullshit… ME: That’s so...

I’m working on a new screenplay! THE EXPANDABLES The film...

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:03:06 -0400

I’m working on a new screenplay!

THE EXPANDABLES

The film is about an elite group of comedians, tasked with a mission to expand upon one lame premise to make the hackiest joke of all time…

SINBAD

COULIER

DUNHAM

MENCIA

DICE CLAY

SAGET

COOK

GALLAGHER

TOP

POUNDSTONE

PISCOPO

Dear Friends/Family:

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:00:10 -0400

I have decided to not run the ING New York City Marathon 2010 and I am asking for your support in...

BIG NEWS!

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 12:29:53 -0400

MY BOOK IS FINALLY DONE!!! What I Know About Comedy by Tony Bock 242 completely blank fuckin’...

Yesterday… 1:00: I read that the last combat brigade is...

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 12:08:00 -0400

Yesterday…

1:00: I read that the last combat brigade is leaving Iraq!

1:05: Begin plans to head to Times Square to get in on the festivities!

1:55: Exit subway on 42nd st.

1:57: Buy sailor costume from shop.

2:03: Shocked to see no one celebrating in Times Sq.

2:04: Shocked to see people hula-hooping in Times Sq.

2:05: Attempt to get smooch from tourist by declaring War is Over! and suggesting we try to match the famous WWII photo.

2:06: Get slapped by an angry Ohio mom.

2:14: Approached by Officer James McMurphy from the NYPD.

2:16: Released due to lack of evidence by Officer James McMurphy from the NYPD.

2:17: Suggest to a woman dressed as the Statue of Liberty that I’ll take her flyer if she kisses me in celebration of the end of the war!

2:17: Full-speed sprint away from Officer James McMurphy from the NYPD.

2:25: Announce loudly in Times Sq.: “All I want is to photograph a kiss here for history’s sake!”

2:26: Find it odd “Rhonda” has an Adam’s Apple, but get my shot nonetheless! FINALLY!

2:42: Am forcibly removed from the Life magazine lobby by security after a RIDICULOUSLY SHORTSIGHTED editorial decision!

AN IM CONVERSATION WITH THOMAS JEFFERSON tonybock: Mr....

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 11:44:16 -0400

AN IM CONVERSATION WITH THOMAS JEFFERSON

tonybock: Mr. President! I wanted to ask you about the raging controversy of our time!

TJEFF1776: Yeah, just catching up with the news down there - what’s this I hear they’re replacing Simon with Steven Tyler from Aerosmith?

tonybock: No, I was talking about the mosque controversy!

TJEFF1776: I’m not familiar…

tonybock: Basically they want to build a mosque on private property close to Ground Zero.

TJEFF1776: Well, that’s good news. I assume with a “controversy” this tame that the whole economy thing is cleared up???

tonybock: Heh… Not really…

TJEFF1776: :(

TJEFF1776: The mosque, it makes some uncomfortable I presume?

tonybock: Yes, some think that’s not an appropriate place for a mosque.

TJEFF1776: And the party that prides itself on being about a strict interpretation of the constitution cleared this up right quickly?

tonybock: Heh… Not really…

TJEFF1776: :<

TJEFF1776: “To suffer the civil magistrate to intrude his powers into the field of opinion and to restrain the profession or propagation of principles on supposition of their ill tendency is a dangerous fallacy which at once destroys all religious liberty, because he being of course judge of that tendency will make his opinions the rule of judgment and approve or condemn the sentiments of others only as they shall square with or differ from his own.”

TJEFF1776: I dropped that in 1779, Papi… We were pretty big on the whole freedom of religion thing…

tonybock: Word… I think tolerance and respect and equality under the law for cultures and peoples different from us was one of the neatest things you guys did.

TJEFF1776: Respect and equality is absolutely *essential* - it’s about who we are as a people… it’s about bridging differences with former foes, not mocking them eternally or putting them down for some crass fun because we can! In fact, I wonder… what’s going on with the Braves right now?

tonybock: They’re up in the East, just acquired Derek Lee for some prospects-

TJEFF1776: What? No, I mean, uhm… The Redskins???

tonybock: Camp opened up, Haynesworth finally passed his physical-

TJEFF1776: Huh? I’m talking about: THE INDIANS!

tonybock: Rebuilding… *again*.

TJEFF1776: My God, man, I’m not following you… I gotta get off, I got shuffleboard with Heath Ledger in five!

Hope this kerfuffle doesn’t dampen the fundraising/business prospects for my national...

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:02:43 -0400

Hope this kerfuffle doesn’t dampen the fundraising/business prospects for my national...

ME: ‘Ya think Mark Hamill got typecast? HIM: No. (pause) He didn’t get cast!

Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:30:53 -0400

ME: ‘Ya think Mark Hamill got typecast? HIM: No. (pause) He didn’t get cast!

Funny Story

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 11:57:53 -0400

While I was busy dithering, intensely going back-and-forth internally over whether I should, well,...

JOB OPPORTUNITY!!!! With my luck it’s probably Guild...

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:17:27 -0400

JOB OPPORTUNITY!!!!

With my luck it’s probably Guild Only…

Much like a popular band,

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 15:47:00 -0400

I get requests from crowds all the time during my stand-up sets to hear a specific joke or a...

There’s a neat series of photos at Vanity Fair that gives...

Fri, 06 Aug 2010 11:44:27 -0400

There’s a neat series of photos at Vanity Fair that gives famed character actors three separate dramatic situations and captures their essence…check it out!

A Sample, Above:

Laurence Fishburne

Left: Your daughter’s gonna do a sex tape to get big. Center: Actually, she’s not really into doing a sex tape, it’s more she wants to be a straight up porn star. Right: You tried to buy up all the tapes, but couldn’t.

I’d start a sarcastic e-mail with: It’s going to be difficult to write this e-mail with...

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:26:42 -0400

I’d start a sarcastic e-mail with: It’s going to be difficult to write this e-mail with...

CRACK COCAINE PENALTY INEQUITY FINALLY REDUCED YES!!! (rubbing chin) I think I’m gonna start...

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 11:43:51 -0400

CRACK COCAINE PENALTY INEQUITY FINALLY REDUCED YES!!! (rubbing chin) I think I’m gonna start...

“Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J, for the hour…” -...

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 14:19:22 -0400

“Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J, for the hour…”

- things Charlie Rose has never said / will never say