TONY enters the Chinese restaurant and approaches the LADY behind the counter. He peruses the menu a moment.
TONY
Hmm… Pfffffffttttttttt….
(beat)
I’ll have, uhm… the Shrimp in Green Dragon Sauce.
LADY
(smiling)
Good, good…
She raises an eyebrow and shoots Tony a furtive glance.
TONY
Is it really spicy?
LADY
No, no…
(giggling)
It’s not too spicy.
TONY
What, then?
LADY
Oh… nothing.
She covers her face with her hands, nervously.
TONY
What?!
LADY
Do you want to know what’s in the sauce?
TONY
No.
LADY
That’s smart.
TONY
Is it?
LADY
Yeah, most people order, then find out what’s in it and cancel.
TONY
(looooooong contemplative pause)
(deep breath)
Okay, what’s in it?
She stands there, stoically.
TONY
WHAT!?
LADY
(beat)
Do you like cumin?
TONY
(relieved)
Yeah, I like cumin…
(hesitantly)
That’s what bothers people about it?
LADY
Oh, no… It’s the rest of what’s in the sauce.
TONY
Don’t tell me, I don’t care… I don’t wanna know.
LADY
That’s wise.
TONY
TELL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!
She opens her mouth to respond.
TONY
STOP! DON’T TELL ME!!!!!!!
—-And that concludes today’s edition of Basically Verbatim Theatre—-
* - it’s taking all the strength I can muster to not google the name of the restaurant and “Green Dragon Sauce”… but it was damn good…
