BOCK: Welcome to the #TonySystem
INT. FUTURISTIC COMEDY CLUB STAGE
Laser lights flash as two large “SURRENDER WEAK” banners hang behind the stage. TONY BOCK falls from the sky and lands on-stage with a SPLAT.
GFX: TONYSYSTEM
A crowd BOOS as Tony meekly limps around the stage like a fucked up deer.
TONY
You’re at the bottom of your game’s!
We see KRIS HUMPRHIES in the crowd in a tuxedo, seated next to former President JIMMY CARTER.
TONY
You couldn’t be less prestigious!
Singer LANA DEL REY runs her hand through her flowing hair.
TONY
You don’t even have your own space!
BERNIE MADOFF, in a prison jumpsuit, nods solemnly.
MADOFF
I don’t.
TONY
You taught me everything I know.
CARROT TOP beams with pride as JAR JAR BINKS looks on in admiration.
VINCE SHLOMI, The Slap Chop dude, sits next to THE WINKLEVOSS TWINS, who are both daintily sipping on cans of New Coke.
TONY
So what’s next? Where do you go from the bottom? (beat) You go under the bottom.
GFX: An upside-down pyramid with “Failure” highlighted at the bottom and arrows pointing out to “The TonySystem” below.
MADOFF
Sounds powerfully legitimate!
TONY
How do you know when you’re in the TonySystem? (beat) (SUPER cocky) Look at ‘yer feet.
The assembled crowd looks down and they’re all wearing the 2013 GROUND BOCKS.
TONY
Any questions?
STEVE BARTMAN, in familiar Cubs ball cap and turtleneck/sweatshirt, removes his headphones dramatically.
BARTMAN
What if you’ve really failed?
VINCE, from Slap Chop
He makes a good point…
TONY
(4-minute pause) (bowing)
I’m sorry…
##END##
