tony bock

award-wanting writer * comic * actor * producer


porn foley artist  +  live @ gotham  +  bombing w/footnotes! +  x-bock +  pinkman impression +  p.s.a.  +  true blood hero  +  explosivo live show  +  tmz animals +  stand-up @ carolines = over one million views, son

TONY enters the Chinese restaurant and approaches the LADY behind the counter. He peruses the menu a moment. 

TONY

Hmm… Pfffffffttttttttt….  

(beat)

I’ll have, uhm… the Shrimp in Green Dragon Sauce.

LADY

(smiling)

Good, good… 

She raises an eyebrow and shoots Tony a furtive glance.

TONY

Is it really spicy?

LADY

No, no… 

(giggling)

It’s not too spicy.

TONY

What, then?

LADY

Oh… nothing.

She covers her face with her hands, nervously.

TONY

What?!

LADY

Do you want to know what’s in the sauce?

TONY

No.

LADY

That’s smart. 

TONY

Is it?

LADY

Yeah, most people order, then find out what’s in it and cancel.

TONY

(looooooong contemplative pause)

(deep breath)

Okay, what’s in it?

She stands there, stoically.

TONY

WHAT!?

LADY

(beat)

Do you like cumin?

TONY

(relieved)

Yeah, I like cumin…

(hesitantly)

That’s what bothers people about it?

LADY

Oh, no… It’s the rest of what’s in the sauce.

TONY

Don’t tell me, I don’t care… I don’t wanna know.

LADY

That’s wise. 

TONY

TELL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!

She opens her mouth to respond.

TONY

STOP! DON’T TELL ME!!!!!!! 

—-And that concludes today’s edition of Basically Verbatim Theatre—-

* - it’s taking all the strength I can muster to not google the name of the restaurant and “Green Dragon Sauce”… but it was damn good. 

Can Tony Bock be put into mere words? 
I guess… Well, at least we can go ahead and try!
But first, as a warm-up, maybe we oughta attempt to describe the significance of Michelangelo’s brushstrokes… Or, perhaps, what Einstein’s pencil speeding across paper meant.
Why don’t we just try to explain how Michael Jordan conquered?
If you think you can depict the way Shakespeare touched the soul of a scholar, then you can be the first to try and capture this Man’s essence if you’d like!
Tough, right?
Uhm, Mr. Bock is what a turnt up Alexander the Great surveying maps of his Empire was like. 
Only more.
Born - not in a manger - in Omaha, Tony grew up in O-town and Hastings, Nebraska. He went to high school at Creighton Prep in Omaha. 
A man of letters, he spurned institutions of higher learning as prestigious as Arizona State and Kansas U. to attend the University of Nebraska, in Lincoln.
You’re probably assuming he played football. Sure, he could’ve. He chose not to.
He did host a wildly successful and provocative comedy/talk show called “Hot Lunch" on 90.3 KRNU. He was also a popular columnist for the fabled Daily Nebraskan, often syndicated across the U-Wire. 
He started performing as a precocious stand-up comedian at the Funny Bone in Omaha and around the Midwest, usually the youngest comic ever to appear at the club where he was booked.
This led to an internship at the Late Show with David Letterman.  
The folks at Worldwide Pants encouraged Tony to come back to NYC after graduation, which led to a position in the CBS Page Program. 
DON’T YOU DARE bring up “Kenneth” from 30 Rock. This was serious business, you ass. 
Tony went on from there to the Discovery channel (for $$$) and then to become an Associate Producer for History and A&E.
He then made the leap to become a Producer for ABC
A ton of freelance (or as Tony, innovator/revolutionary that he is, called it: “Formoneylance”) TV, new media and advertising work eventually pushed him to Hollywood.
He continued writing and performing, hosting and doing feature stand-up sets at the Improv, The Comedy Store, Carolines, Gotham, Comix, the UCB, the Comic Strip Live, the UCB West, The Laugh Factory, the Funny Bone and many other clubs and “alt” venues/dive bars across the U.S.
He inspired musician Pharell Williams to write the hit “Happy”. But he, foolishly, didn’t ask for a dime in royalties, making him “Very Unhappy”  - like a room with a roof, some (Pharell) might say.
And we all lived contentedly ever after.
If you’re rich, or better yet hot, please reach out to Tony by clicking on contact or ask below.
Thanks (if you’re rich or hot)(preferably both!).  

Can Tony Bock be put into mere words? 

I guess… Well, at least we can go ahead and try!

But first, as a warm-up, maybe we oughta attempt to describe the significance of Michelangelo’s brushstrokes… Or, perhaps, what Einstein’s pencil speeding across paper meant.

Why don’t we just try to explain how Michael Jordan conquered?

If you think you can depict the way Shakespeare touched the soul of a scholar, then you can be the first to try and capture this Man’s essence if you’d like!

Tough, right?

Uhm, Mr. Bock is what a turnt up Alexander the Great surveying maps of his Empire was like. 

Only more.

Born - not in a manger - in Omaha, Tony grew up in O-town and Hastings, Nebraska. He went to high school at Creighton Prep in Omaha. 

A man of letters, he spurned institutions of higher learning as prestigious as Arizona State and Kansas U. to attend the University of Nebraska, in Lincoln.

You’re probably assuming he played football. Sure, he could’ve. He chose not to.

He did host a wildly successful and provocative comedy/talk show called “Hot Lunch" on 90.3 KRNU. He was also a popular columnist for the fabled Daily Nebraskan, often syndicated across the U-Wire. 

He started performing as a precocious stand-up comedian at the Funny Bone in Omaha and around the Midwest, usually the youngest comic ever to appear at the club where he was booked.

This led to an internship at the Late Show with David Letterman.  

The folks at Worldwide Pants encouraged Tony to come back to NYC after graduation, which led to a position in the CBS Page Program. 

DON’T YOU DARE bring up “Kenneth” from 30 Rock. This was serious business, you ass. 

Tony went on from there to the Discovery channel (for $$$) and then to become an Associate Producer for History and A&E.

He then made the leap to become a Producer for ABC

A ton of freelance (or as Tony, innovator/revolutionary that he is, called it: “Formoneylance”) TV, new media and advertising work eventually pushed him to Hollywood.

He continued writing and performing, hosting and doing feature stand-up sets at the Improv, The Comedy Store, Carolines, Gotham, Comix, the UCB, the Comic Strip Live, the UCB West, The Laugh Factory, the Funny Bone and many other clubs and “alt” venues/dive bars across the U.S.

He inspired musician Pharell Williams to write the hit “Happy”. But he, foolishly, didn’t ask for a dime in royalties, making him “Very Unhappy”  - like a room with a roof, some (Pharell) might say.

And we all lived contentedly ever after.

If you’re rich, or better yet hot, please reach out to Tony by clicking on contact or ask below.

Thanks (if you’re rich or hot)(preferably both!).  

Bomb with Aplomb: Footnotes of My Latest Comedy Performance

i. Well, if my new material isn’t their cup of tea I’m sure I can win them over with my looks and charm!

ii. Seems to be a lot of people talking - I could humorously engage and shame them into being quiet, but, nah,think I’ll just plow right ahead even faster so as not to distract them more! Boom!

iii. Folded Arms + Stone Faces: Not the answer I was hoping for.

iv. Continue on with this bit? YES! They’re still awake, aren’t they?

v. No, I have not gotten rich from doing stand-up comedy, shockingly.

vi. Although some lady in the back is getting more laughs than I am, think I’ll pass on using some humor here to shame them into being quiet and just plow on right ahead. Again.

vii. The reception to my stand-up also apparently relies on blind luck.

viii. Is the light on? Please, God, let the light be on. Uh-oh.

ix. This answers the age-old question: What is the sound of no hands clapping?

x. Let me translate that “uhm…” and “hmm…” for ‘ya: Do I scrap the rest of this set completely and begin an on-stage mental breakdown?  Do I…just…leave? Can I? It’s gonna be a looooong rest of my life.  

xi. Cliché! But…they’re with me now? They’re pleased by the momentary material halt!

xii. One lady out there is laughing at me as if I were an alien that soiled itself on-stage.

xiii. Bar-b-q sauce.

xiv. Ah, not a lot of liberal types here in the middle of New York City… I see.

xv. Moving right along…

xvi. Maybe if I ask the crowd something they’ll answer on this, the twentieth time? Wait! No. I’ll keep beating a dead horse! I swear, I WILL KEEP BEATING A DEAD HORSE! That’s my comedy motto.

xvii. Enough with the comedy material, let’s just talk about functional, good websites and how I use them!

xviii. Abandon bit! ABANDON BIT! I’m not gonna survive going through to the actual “joke” which ends with a riff on “if there were snopes for people and what they say” and how, luckily for me, there isn’t. Because at this moment I realize I feel just like a prostitute must as they’re in their act: What am I doing? How did I get here? Why am I doing this? I graduated college! Is that guy eating while I’m doing this??? 

xix. Should’ve probably given up on the new material long ago, but there’s never a bad time to try and get feedback from the audience and improve your craft.

xx. Then I should publish those notes!

xxi. “I swear, I’m not that bad,” I said from the stage during a comedy show at Carolines. Epic moment. This whole disaster would be fine if it were my first show. It’s farfrom my first show. No, seriously

xxii. Some woman yells out “Friend Zone!” which shocks me now, as she was apparently paying attention earlier in the show, although at that time she and no one else gave any sort of audible or visual clue that they were doing as such.

xxiii. “Oh, boy…” Indeed.

xxiv. Just straight up biographical information now doing better than the material did. Think it’s a relief that I’m “off-script.” I can improvise with the best of ‘em!

xxv.  I meant Jeff Foxworthy, not Jeff Dunham – maybe that’s why the entire set bombed horrifically?

xxvi. The “I’m from Nebraska” got such a good laugh I just naturally flowed into an older bit I used to do and I have to say, even as I sit here and type it, it’s still really funny that The Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVD has French subtitles. It’s fuckin’ hilarious, actually.

xxvii. Fuckin’ ‘Git ‘R Done! is fuckin’ La Salope in French! Baaaah!

xxviii. End it with some class? Yeah, they deserve an apology, really. As does the home viewer.  I’m sorry.

xxix. There’s a lot of different crowd reactions comedians will happily take – laughter (ideally), clapping, hissing… Way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy down on that list is a maternally sympathetic “Awww…”