tony bock

award-wanting writer * comic * actor * producer


porn foley artist  +  live @ gotham  +  bombing w/footnotes! +  x-bock +  pinkman impression +  p.s.a.  +  true blood hero  +  explosivo live show  +  tmz animals +  stand-up @ carolines = over one million views, son
BOSS: I love your camouflage lingerie prototype pieces - they’re awesome! Great job!
DESIGNER: Thank you so much!
BOSS: It’s just - I don’t know - I think the all-camouflage is a bit much. We need to add the teensiest touch of femininity and class.
DESIGNER: Right, right…
BOSS: Plus, if it’s all-camouflage it might be a turn-off to some of the guys - how are they even gonna know it’s for ladies?
DESIGNER: It could confuse them, I guess…
BOSS: Yes… Yes it could. We definitely don’t want them accidentally putting this on themselves then accidentally kinda’ liking it. 
DESIGNER: Absolutely. That could be dangerous. 
BOSS: What if we added frilly pink lace around the top?
DESIGNER: (long sigh) Frilly pink lace? Whoa. That’s… Jeez… That’s pretty radical. You don’t think that’s too Victoria’s Secret-y? 
BOSS: No, I think it’ll work. 
DESIGNER: What about neon orange?
BOSS: No. That’s got the same issues, I think.
DESIGNER: Okay, I’ll give the pink a shot - like some sorta Goddamn Paris sissy boy camouflage lingerie designer… I just pray this doesn’t kill my reputation! 

BOSS: I love your camouflage lingerie prototype pieces - they’re awesome! Great job!

DESIGNER: Thank you so much!

BOSS: It’s just - I don’t know - I think the all-camouflage is a bit much. We need to add the teensiest touch of femininity and class.

DESIGNER: Right, right…

BOSS: Plus, if it’s all-camouflage it might be a turn-off to some of the guys - how are they even gonna know it’s for ladies?

DESIGNER: It could confuse them, I guess…

BOSS: Yes… Yes it could. We definitely don’t want them accidentally putting this on themselves then accidentally kinda’ liking it. 

DESIGNER: Absolutely. That could be dangerous. 

BOSS: What if we added frilly pink lace around the top?

DESIGNER: (long sigh) Frilly pink lace? Whoa. That’s… Jeez… That’s pretty radical. You don’t think that’s too Victoria’s Secret-y

BOSS: No, I think it’ll work. 

DESIGNER: What about neon orange?

BOSS: No. That’s got the same issues, I think.

DESIGNER: Okay, I’ll give the pink a shot - like some sorta Goddamn Paris sissy boy camouflage lingerie designer… I just pray this doesn’t kill my reputation! 

Frequently Asked Questions

Does anybody read this crap?

Amazingly, everybody reads this crap.

Your photographs for the Toronto Star are wonderful - why is your “comedy” writing so lame?

Different Tony Bock - sorry.

Will you *please* stop whistling?

Let me try.

Okay…

No…

Sorry…it’s just, I can’t get “Superstition” out of my head…

Can you do a “comedy” video with your shirt on?

No.

How much money have you made off all your internet success?

Negative $8500 dollars.

You just don’t get it, do you?

Obviously not.

Will the defendant please rise?

Yes, Your Honor.

Is this bit over yet?

No.

Okay…Now it is.

missed connections

m4w - R Train - 3:00 Saturday afternoon

I know you saw me…you were sitting right across from me and we were the only people on that side of the train.

You were in a stunning violet dress, reading Vogue with your Louis Vuitton bag in your lap.

I was in my Hooters t-shirt with the nacho cheese stain on the front, reading Maxim with my Payless ShoeSource bag in my lap.

The vibe was frickin’ off the charts in there! Crazy! Wow…

We talked, too. I’ll always treasure those words we had. I said, “Hey, my name’s Tony…” and you said “(unintelligible)” and then looked away all shy in that cute way you do…

Your walk was so sexy…so sexy and so brisk! I didn’t hear your answer after I said “What’s your name?” - the wind took it…along with my heart. You were obviously in a hurry - I hope you weren’t late to work!