tony bock

award-wanting writer * comic * actor * producer


porn foley artist  +  live @ gotham  +  bombing w/footnotes! +  x-bock +  pinkman impression +  p.s.a.  +  true blood hero  +  explosivo live show  +  tmz animals +  stand-up @ carolines = over one million views, son

Frequently Asked Questions

Does anybody read this crap?

Amazingly, everybody reads this crap.

Your photographs for the Toronto Star are wonderful - why is your “comedy” writing so lame?

Different Tony Bock - sorry.

Will you *please* stop whistling?

Let me try.

Okay…

No…

Sorry…it’s just, I can’t get “Superstition” out of my head…

Can you do a “comedy” video with your shirt on?

No.

How much money have you made off all your internet success?

Negative $8500 dollars.

You just don’t get it, do you?

Obviously not.

Will the defendant please rise?

Yes, Your Honor.

Is this bit over yet?

No.

Okay…Now it is.

missed connections

m4w - R Train - 3:00 Saturday afternoon

I know you saw me…you were sitting right across from me and we were the only people on that side of the train.

You were in a stunning violet dress, reading Vogue with your Louis Vuitton bag in your lap.

I was in my Hooters t-shirt with the nacho cheese stain on the front, reading Maxim with my Payless ShoeSource bag in my lap.

The vibe was frickin’ off the charts in there! Crazy! Wow…

We talked, too. I’ll always treasure those words we had. I said, “Hey, my name’s Tony…” and you said “(unintelligible)” and then looked away all shy in that cute way you do…

Your walk was so sexy…so sexy and so brisk! I didn’t hear your answer after I said “What’s your name?” - the wind took it…along with my heart. You were obviously in a hurry - I hope you weren’t late to work!

Socratic exchange between Sober Me and Drunken Me on the subject of peanut eating:

Sober Me: Nice bag of peanuts you got there…

Drunken Me: Sure is! Nice BIG bag! Mmmm!!!!

Sober Me: And I assume you’ve got a plan on how to handle those shells?

Drunken Me: Define “plan”.

Sober Me: A proposed course of action.

Drunken Me:I have a big bag of nuts!

Sober Me: And you’re just gonna toss the shells on the floor?

Drunken Me: Whatever, dude! Hold on a second-

Drunken Me eats a handful of peanuts, tossing the shells on the floor.

Sober Me: Damn you!

Drunken Me: Turn that stereo up! Mmmm! PEANUTS GOOD!!!!

Sober Me: But then I have to clean up all the shells!

Drunken Me: I don’t give a damn about you!

Sober Me: But all you have to do is toss the fucking shells in the trash! It couldn’t be easier, yet there you sit just tossing the shells ON THE FLOOR!!!!!

Drunken Me: (Snortles)

Sober Me: I had to ban sunflower seeds, it may be time to do the same with peanuts.

Drunken Me: You’re gonna LOVE my nuts! Oh, that’s funny!

Sober Me: And do you have to walk around dropping them all over the place? Jeez - it wouldn’t even be so bad if they were dropped in one place on the floor but you-

Drunken Me: (Laughing hysterically)

Sober Me: Dude- Dude! Wake up!

Drunken Me: (Snoring)