September 2009
17 posts
"You got a... You got a... You got a..."
The Brooklyn/Jersey, spiky-haired, super-tan, Ed Hardy-shirt-sporting dude took a moment…he struggled to think up the perfect insult to his wife/girlfriend/sister…and then he had it:
“You got a tea cup sticking out of ‘yo neck! You ain’t got a head, it’s a damn tea cup you got sticking up out of ‘yo damn neck!”
Although no one on the subway spoke up and said it, we were all thinking...
If only
my credit card bill could be paid by credit card.
Good Band Name:
intellectual clown
But seriously...
Do I title my forthcoming rap album FLAME-BROILED GAME… or… FLAME-BROILED GAME: VOLUME I
???????????!
The back aches due to the sheer weight of this decision.
I made my bed...
(if you can call this pile of losing lottery tickets, empty gin bottles, packs of expired condoms, trade paper want ads, credit card receipts and broken dreams a bed…but regardless)
I have to lie in it.
Tony Bocolate
My “Snickers name”…
My Show Pitches For NBC:
“HEADLINES” - a half-hour laugh riot centered around the premise: What if there were typos in the headlines of the newspapers?
“JAYWALKING” - a half-hour laugh riot centered around the premise: What if real people who really didn’t know much of anything were really interviewed about real questions?
“MONOLOGUE” - a half-hour laugh riot centered around the...
Good Rap Lyric:
“I don’t play with model trains, this playa’ trains models…”
If you haven’t heard, the major television networks are banding together to try and create a new ratings system, as they feel the Nielsen ratings aren’t giving an accurate count of the actual views of their shows what with the web, and DVR’s and all…
So the networks call their project - in which they will rate themselves - “The Coalition for Innovative Media...
Procrastination Coach
Activity happens when we partake in a specified pursuit.
When we do that it takes (sigh) effort - which makes us tired - and who wants that???????????
If you find yourself doing things frequently then maybe it’s time to reevaluate and consider hiring me - as your Procrastination Coach.
You will likely take great benefit from my highly developed and refined skills in the Art of...
HIM: How’d the day go?
ME: Another day, another dollar…
HIM: (beat) (surprised) Really?
ME: Of debt…
HIM: Right!
SHE SAID I WAS LIKE BOB NEWHART!!!
Which was a thrilling compliment until I realized she was talking about my sex appeal, not my sense of humor…
I wish there were some sort of video game - let’s call it “Comedy Star” - where you play as legendary stand-up comics through time - and you have to hit the button in the right sequence and rhythm for them to do their set-up’s and their punchlines just right to get the biggest laughs from the crowd…off-rhythm and you start getting heckled, then eventually booed off...
