May 2009
18 posts
And now
it’s time for today’s installment of “THINGS THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN SAID IN HOLLYWOOD”: “We’d like to get into the Tony Bock business!”
May 29th
When at an audition
it’s best not to try and explain a (by your own standards) lackluster performance by saying aloud: “Sorry, I can usually deliver material better when the writing’s actually funny…” This does not work. TRUST ME.
May 28th
Hell is...
the Brooklyn Home Depot’s attitude and zeal for customer service mixed with the speed and efficiency of the Brooklyn post office.
May 27th
From The Man Who Watched "40-Year-Old Virgin"...
Maybe starting my pitch that way will garner more interest in my screenplay…
May 25th
Good Band Name:
Thimble Factory
May 25th
May 20th
“There are few TV jobs quite as crappy as being a first-year cast member on Saturday Night Live,” begins writer Eric Spitznagel’s interview piece with Abby Elliott. Oh, if only I could speak with Mr. Eric Spitznagel about the television industry… I would share some rather shocking experiences that would blow his mind and severely alter his theory of Television employment...
May 18th
May 18th
May 16th
May 15th
The familiar close-out music of “The Tonight Show” was playing as we came out of commercial and were back in Burbank for the last few moments of the show. A beautiful Hollywood starlet and Jay Leno were bantering good naturedly. Leno was holding a red file folder as he noticed we were back from break. It looks like they were talking about the folder itself as adrenaline raced through...
May 13th
May 12th
ON BLACK CARD: SEPTEMBER, 2002 INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY President Bush, Vice President Cheney and CIA Director Tenet are seated as Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi enters the room. BUSH Thanks for coming, Nancy. CHENEY This is a top secret meeting. Our national security is at stake. We brought CIA Director George Tenet in to brief us on our enhanced interrogation tech- BUSH Our absolutely, 100%...
May 9th
This Day In Site History: May 8, 2007
Today we go back in the archives to see what was happening on the site on this day… 2 years ago: INAPPROPRIATE TIMES TO ADD ON THE -IZZLE: “Not guilty, Your Honorizzle…” “I’m sorry to have to tell you, ma’am - it’s cancerizzle…” “3-alarm fireizzle!” “Sorry, you’ve just lost a couple steps. We’re sending you...
May 8th
Dear Axe Body Spray,
I would like a refund of $1,113.22 as I believe you engaged in false advertising that led me to buy your product over and over again. I happily bought your product and sprayed it, at various times and in various places (balls!), over a span of weeks and not once did: - a dripping wet model grind with me on the club dance floor - a woman clad only in a bikini chase me through a forrest -...
May 6th
House Republican Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA) announced today that Governor Sarah Palin (R-AK) has joined the National Council for a New America’s Panel of Experts. Cantor putting Palin on a Panel of Experts is like me putting Ah, fill in your own joke there… I’m tired.
May 5th
Good Band Name:
endless disappointment
May 4th
Things I'm an expert in:
Debt accumulation Rationalizations Peeling an orange Not calling “the day after” Acting like I’m listening Crocodile tears Being nice to the people who are fucked up to me and fucked up to the people who are nice to me Only saying it behind your back Not calling Rationalizing my Rationalizations Moral equivalency “The Game” Acting interested Ass kissing ...
May 2nd