April 2009
51 posts
Apr 30th
Bad Pick-Up Line:
Does all this cash make my wallet look fat?
Apr 29th
Apr 27th
Okay
I don’t know that there’s any possible opening to a magazine article that could make me feel older than this: “I’ve loved music since I was in my mom’s tummy, dancing to Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nirvana, and PJ Harvey.” Yeah…wow…ouch! I think I pulled something! Sigh.
Apr 27th
"An Unholy Symphony"
I remember when I joined twitter…it was January 17th, 2008 and I was sitting at my desk at a prominent media company in midtown Manhattan when I told one of the head partners about this new thing I’d just joined. “That’s fucking pointless!” he declared after hearing my explanation of it… It seemed like he might be right and I left my twitter neglected for...
Apr 25th
Totally Not Fake Jobsite
Check out this awesome, no-way-it’s-fake, completely non-bullshit, really real, REALLY FUCKING REAL jobsite! This is one of the realest and most completely not fake job websites for media out there. THIS IS NOT BULLSHIT! THIS IS NOT FAKE! THIS IS SO NOT FUCKING FAKE IT’S RIDICULOUS!!!! Real jobs, real salary, real office, real responsibility. REAL. JOBS. UNFAKE! That’s a word...
Apr 24th
Good Band Name:
The Recession Abortions
Apr 24th
Apr 23rd
On April 21st at 2:11 PM “Tony Bock” wrote: Regarding twitter… I had the brief excitement of you following me! - obviously from an old e-mail, and thanks again for your advice from back in the day… Then I was unfollowed! Which I totally understand, and am writing as, honestly, I wanted to do a post - (check out http://www.tonybock.com - it’s not bad!) - where I...
Apr 22nd
WatchWatch
Oh, that Fred Armisen… What? That’s Governor Paterson doing a comedy skit mocking a guy in a wheelchair? The story “PATERSON’S SIGHT GAG” from April 19th… the same day, April 19th I read a story “STAYING THE KING” about Paterson’s plan to save his governorship… Well, Governor, by comedic standards you are off to a magnificent...
Apr 21st
My Diagnosis
A bad case of the “Wrong Place, Wrong Time’s” - it’s a genetic thing and I’ve had it as long as I’ve been alive - while not fatal it is irreversible and untreatable…
Apr 21st
THEN:
So the worst that happens is I’m a small fish in a big pond…
Apr 20th
NOW:
I’m not even a fish! I can’t fucking breathe! I can’t fucking swim! HELP!
Apr 20th
If My Life Had a NY Post-style Headline
Today’s would be: NERVOUS BOCKDOWN!?!?! Distrb’ng new forecast shows Nervous Breakdown chances at 99.9% today!
Apr 20th
Awake. Whattimeisit- Wallet? Yes. Credit Card? Yes. How much cash- Ugh. ‘Cause I took out- UGH! Water. Fresh water? No- Water. Metro Card? Yes. Coat? YES! But…What? Is? That? Stain??? Credit Card?!?! Oh, yeah… NOT HUNGOVER, STILL DRUNK! Hahaha… Yeah… Wait, though - no. Hungover. Officially: Hurts. To. Move. Advil? Don’t have any… Tylenol? Not after a night...
Apr 19th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
So, wait...
This is or isn’t the “Star Wars” Lucas???
Apr 16th
THE LONELY ISLAND feat. GEORGE F. WILL in PUNCH YOU IN THE JEANS (Remix)
Apr 16th
Seriously
What’s the point?
Apr 16th
3 notes
Good Band Name:
The Tea Party Crowd
Apr 16th
Apr 14th
Apr 13th
Apr 11th
Bad Pick-Up Line:
I got my own wing in the Sexsonian museum!
Apr 10th
To: Mr. Amado Mir As you know, we are living in inflationary times, and even though I do my best to keep costs down, there’s no way I can reduce the expenses of my life back to what they were a year ago. I have absorbed these increases as long as I could, but now I am forced to decrease my rent by $50.00, from $1,750.00 per month to $1,700.00 per month, effective May 01, 2009. Sincerely, ...
Apr 9th
Apr 8th
NEWSWEEK calling The End of Christian America is a bit like the Marijuana calling the Kettle African-American, no?
Apr 8th
Apr 7th
LESSONS FROM THE BODEGA The young teenage boy stood listening with rapt attention. The ancient Dominican man in the fedora was trying to communicate an important lesson…something that only the passage of decades can really teach you…something important. “When you’re an asshole to them it may not seem right to you, but deep down that makes them feel happy inside,”...
Apr 7th
Apr 7th
Apr 6th
I need...
Something from the makers of “The Chastity Belt” - just it goes around my head and keeps my mouth shut and unable to drink… The Sobriety Belt
Apr 6th
Apr 4th
Good Dirty Joke Punchline:
The Toasty Torpedo
Apr 4th
Apr 3rd
Site Ingredients
Paranoia Spite Bad Ideas Self-loathing Egomania MSG Jealousy Depravity Stolen Material THC Envy Wine Flax Seed Hack Premises Whine Nicotene Disappointing Punch Lines
Apr 2nd