March 2009
32 posts
ME: “I was never known for my stick-to-itiveness…”
HIM: “Yeah, you’re actually celebrated for your stick-it-to-itiveness.”
The Tony Bock App
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have Tony Bock with you all the time? Find out in this brilliant new app for the iPhone - iTonyBock.
From the makers of iFart, iTonyBock gives you the most realistic “FOT” (Friend of Tony) experience possible.
FEATURES:
- Pictures taken of young ladies at the bar will be shown on your phone with “beer goggles” making them...
‘Ya know… My right cortex has been feeling particularly thin lately… Hmm…
Bad Pick-Up Line:
Baby, there’s not a word in the Klingon language that does justice to your beauty…
I'M READY TO SELL OUT!
All this “cred” I’ve been accumulating all these years has become cumbersome…so I need to start converting it from cred to cred-it.
CA$H MONEY, SON!
‘Cause, I’ve given in…
I had a nice illusion going, but I just finished an article in the NY Times about the Hollywood Establishment - when I read they’re using a rationalization (“the real...
Good Band Name:
Clinging to Mediocrity
Some of the most hilarious comedy I’ve ever written…
UPDATE:
Just got off the horn with the attorney representing my liver… They’re talking lawsuit!
My liver just submitted its letter of resignation…
It annoys me
when, at the end of e-mails, it signs off with something like: “Sent from my iPhone” or “Sent from my BlackBerry”
Oooooooh, big deal! You have an iPhone! Or a BlackBerry! (Which, I bet at some point you’ve called your “CrackBerry” and then giggled a little, haven’t you?)
Why do I need to know that?
Fucking show-off!
That’s lame!
And if...
I’m beginning to think that Lindsay Lohan is just plum crazy…
Someone should remix Biden’s gaffes into a YouTube thing…
(Grinding dance beat)…”stand up Chuck!”…(thumping dance beat)…”God love ‘ya!”…(grinding dance beat)…”Gimme a fucking break!”…(thumping dance beat)…”30 percent chance we’re going to get it wrong”…(grinding dance...
What I just thought:
It’s too early for a beer, right?
- 10:06 AM Eastern Standard Time
Readers Who Enjoy This Website Also Like:
depression.com
aa.org
mentalhelp.net
suicidepreventionlifeline.org
na.org
I GOT ROBBED THIS WEEKEND!!!
Sons of Beyotches made off with an hour and my sobriety!
What I propose we call it for now:
THE UNCONOMY
Another Question I Get Asked Alot...
What’s the biggest laugh I’ve ever gotten?
I remember it vividly, like it was yesterday…
It was from my family when I told them my dreams.
A Question I Get Asked Alot...
Who will eventually become profitable… Tony Bock or General Motors?
The answer: Neither ever will.
Inappropriate Product Placement:
From the jury box, when giving the verdict:
“Your Honor, we the jury find the defendant…guilty of murder in the first degree. We also find T.G.I. Friday’s guilty of having delicious chicken tenders…”
iPhone Kindle App!
Uhm… I have no idea what that means.
Hold on, let me read the article…
Okay, I think I get it…
Basically now you can use Kindle, an Amazon eBook service, to read books on your iPhone.
I guess that’s cool…reading a book like how they do music on iTunes…does that mean it starts mixing in the beginning of the next chapter with the end of the...
HER: “So…TV people are like prostitutes is basically what you’re saying?”
ME: “Exactly! Like prostitutes with less dignity…”
This Day In Site History: March 4, 1933
Today we go back in the archives to see what was happening on the site on this day… 76 years ago:
THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR…IS FEAR ITSELF!?!?!?!?!?!
WTF?
Uhm, excuse me Mr. President, I know you’ve just started this job and all, but I got a lot more to fear than just fear…
Where do you want me to start?
‘Cause I can give you a list.
A long, long list if you...
Good Band Name:
Not Exactly Catholic
On this week’s Too Jaded Failures…
…make me beautiful…a-rod’s amateur hour…encyclopedia brown and the toilet paper incident…
They’re not booing, they’re saying…okay, wait, hold on… no, they’re booing. Free podcast: here.
In other news...
gossip outlets are saying CBS senior political correspondent Jeff Greenfield’s daughter is pregnant with CNN senior analyst Jeffrey Toobin’s child.
For some analysis now, let’s go to tonybock.com senior commentator Jeff Greenfield:
TB: Jeff, put all this into some perspective for us, will you?
JG: Sure, Tony… It’s kind of weirding people out that of all people for...