February 2009
36 posts
BIG THANKS
to everyone who came out to my stand-up show last night! It was a cool, unique venue - for those who couldn’t make it I did my set from the top of a six-story building in Hell’s Kitchen! For those of you who were there, I have some big news! My set was filmed for a forthcoming Tony Bock stand-up special - LIVE FROM THE LEDGE - premiering in several Precinct Headquarters and Midtown...
“We couldn’t wipe the smile off the corpse’s face,” said Russian morgue worker Nikita Radovic.
Ladies - double or nothing?
Me, LeBron James and Paul Pierce had just landed in L.A. We get to the hotel. As they retire to their rooms, I act like I’m heading to mine. Plan to meet up in a bit. The problem: I don’t have a room. Or any money, even though I’m acting like I do. I head outside through the ornate hotel lobby into the warm California sun. I’m in a panic. A call home results in the...
What I've given up for Lent:
Heroin
Hey God,
It’s me, Tony… (but you knew that already…)
Oh My You - it’s been awhile… Sorry…
Well, I know you know how things have been going, but needless to say I’ve been working overtime on the jealousy and the bearing false witness and coveting and dishonoring and all (and I’m sorry about that…), yet here I am asking you to get my sweet azz out of a...
What I know about Credit Cards (III)
At Capital One you can design and customize your credit card over the internet. You can just send in whatever image and that can be your credit card.
I just submitted the AmEx Black Card as my design!
What I know about Credit Cards (II)
An American Express card, spray-painted black, is not the same as an American Express Black Card.
What I know about Credit Cards (I)
If, long ago, I’d been smart and signed up for some sort of card where I got points towards a GM car with each dollar spent on my card and monthly payment, then right about now I’d be eligible for the fucking Knight Rider car.
The Symptoms:
Shortness of Breath, Teary Eyes, Intense Anger, Nausea, Deep Malaise, Confusion, Vertigo, Shrinkage
The Diagnosis:
Credit Card Bill Payisitis
Bear with me...
The past few weeks have been really tough for me. On one hand it’s been extremely tough to admit mistakes. But on the other hand, it feels great to move forward.
I know that I am in a position where I will have to earn my trust back over time. It starts with being honest: I used performance-enhancing drugs. It started when I was young and stupid…back in 1995 when I was a sophomore in high school....
THE BOCK INDEX
In honor of Harper’s Magazine making their famous Index searchable on-line, I thought I’d do a Bock Index for y’alls…
Estimated hours of productivity lost today due to reading about The Jonas Brothers: 2.5
Estimated hours of productivity lost today due to conversing with “Candy” from 1-900-REAL-ASS: 3.5
Percentage of flask finished by lunch: 65
Number of...
Check out my new album!
GAME SWEAT - dropping this Tuesday!
Okay, that’s a lie - I just always wanted to write that somewhere…
God how I wish it were true, though…
What I lack in substance I lack in style.
"Taking the high road"
means something totally different than I thought…
Damn.
Dear job-1027920861@craigslist.org,
I thought it best to write a formal apology note regarding my job interview yesterday and your perception that it was a gigantic waste of your time. I did not mean for it to be.
Again, you were right - your ad explicitly called for an experienced Mixed Martial Arts fighter. While I had watched several Pay-Per-View Ultimate Fighting Championship bouts, that did...
This Day In Site History: February 10, 2004
Today we go back in the archives to see what was happening on the site on this day… 5 years ago:
CORRECTION!
I just retabulated some figures and I need to make a correction to my recent “Things I have in common with Jay-Z” post. While I stated that I also had 99 problems, and that, of those problems, a bitch was not one of them - that was incorrect.
The right number of problems...
Good Book Title:
The Loosey-Goosey Era
Bale-out Bailout
Someone should remix Bale’s rant with Congressional bailout testimony - every time the Senator asks a question of someone about the bailout, Christian Bale chimes in:
SENATOR
(Out of context question regarding bailout)
Out of context footage of Senator’s reacting (humorously) plays over:
BALE
ARE YOU PROFESSIONAL OR NOT?!?!
SENATOR
(Out of context retort, followed by another out...
Happy Birthday, Bob!
Bob Marley’s birthday is today - the singer-songwriter would’ve been 64 today if he were alive…
How am I celebrating?
Well, Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg and Michael Phelps are coming over for a small gathering… Not sure how we’ll commemorate Marley’s b-day, but… I’m sure something will occur to us to properly pay tribute…
3:29 Sangria?
Bad idea, right?
Is it?
Hmm…
Yeah - you’re right… I shouldn’t… I’m just gonna put this away for now…
(sound of sangria being poured into glass)
(sound of muffled giggling)
My Favorite Super Bowl Ads
Uhm…
Well…
Gosh…
It’s kinda’ hazy - I had a few drinks, I’ll be honest…
That one with the cute kids and the animals, that was funny?
Ehm…
Oh, I remember one now! There was one for something called “Pepsi Max” that was freaking hilarious! They said Pepsi Max is “the first diet cola for men”… that’s hysterical!...
Imagine this Super Bowl halftime show:
PHISH
Dude from Journey has had some crazy plastic...
Why do Super Bowl ads cost so much?
NBC has to try and recoup as much as they can of the GIGANTIC Just for Men expense for Costas & crew…
On the pregame show just now
the reporter, in starting her interview with the player, said - “You have described yourself as poetry in motion…”
I just want it to be known, for the record…
I’d describe myself as poetry in motion.
"the best team in football"
is supposedly decided today in Tampa.
I refuse to call ‘em that, though…
Until there’s a WNFL I don’t think we’ll truly know who’s best in the sport.