August 2008
21 posts
Live-Blogging My Lunch
12:53 PM: The bread? Wonder. The bologna? Associated. The cheese? Velveeta, son!
12:55 PM: Nothing brings out the rich, smokey flavors of the bologna like the microwave.
12:57 PM: Those Cheezy Puffs just turned it up a notch. Bam!
12:59 PM: A little Colt 45 to wash it all down with.
1:00 PM: CRAZY IDEA!!! I put a little mustard on the sandwich!
1:01 PM: Taste buds, prepare yourself for a...
This Day In Site History: August 21, 2004
Today we go back in the archives to see what was happening on the site on this day…4 years ago:
REPUBLICAN CONVENTION COMING TO NYC
The election is really heating up and the Republican Convention is coming to NY soon. I think Bush’s nominating speech will go something like this:
Bush takes the stage wearing a cowboy hat, Dale Earnhardt (Sr.) NASCAR jacket over a Pat Tillman...
The difference between saying “I’m Chris Kattan’s girlfriend” and “I’m Mrs. Kattan” was profound.
FANDANGO:
Look, it’s over.
We had a nice time with The Dark Knight: The Imax Experience but you said you weren’t gonna bother me about it afterwards and now you won’t stop asking me about it and I’ve had enough.
It was fine. But that’s the end. You need to move on and find other people, okay?
Leave me alone.
[From the Bangkok Post:] “Thousands of young Chinese women applicants for the 200 jobs to lead each country’s athletes into the National Stadium for last week’s opening ceremony of the 2008 Olympic Games had to be at least 1.66 metres tall, have a pretty face - and strip naked for the job recruiters.
The Beijing News, in a story detailing the latest opening-ceremony outrage,...
What a day!
It’s beautiful outside here in NYC… Think I’ll take my sailboat out on the water for a bit later…
Wait a sec…
I don’t have a sailboat.
Fuckin’ poverty!
Damn, that would’ve been awesome today…
Good Stripper Name:
Nastia
R.I.P. My Dreams 1983 - 2008
My Dreams passed away quietly overnight last night. They’re survived by me, a bottle of Old Crow and a solitary flashing cursor on an all-white computer monitor.
Born in Omaha, Nebraska, My Dreams were quick to realize athletic greatness was probably not going to be in the cards and began to focus on something that seemed more attainable: Success in comedy.
My Dreams had a great run in...
Good Band Name:
The Beetles
TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS WHO READ THIS:
Yo - I just got a crazy text from this chick…she says one of my friends gave her my number… She sounds awesome - I gotta talk to her!
She’s playing hard to get is the problem - her # was blocked and she only left a website - matchhop.net and said I could find her under “spicyhottie” - but I couldn’t find her! WTF!!!
So...
TONY CAMP
That’s right - this summer treat yourself to a week of TONY CAMP.
Bring your sleeping bag out to Brooklyn for a week of learning to live just like Tony, as instructed by Tony…
Start each day off right with a hearty “Breakfast of Champions” - a banana and a glass of crisp Brooklyn tap water.
Lunch is a fun mystery for campers - will it be special PB&J’s…or...
YOU Make The Call
Standing in line for popcorn at the Regal Union Square movie theatre Saturday night I saw NBA legend/perennial All-Star/two-time MVP/future Hall of Famer Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns waiting next to me…
Did I:
1) Get down on my knees and beg Steve for an autograph - which I put on Ebay to try and raise a little extra cash.
2) Have the proper New York reaction to seeing someone famous -...
The TV Says: DO NOT ATTEMPT to
Eat a five-dollar bill. (Quizno’s)
Get shot from a human slingshot. (Denny’s)
Drive a car out of the second story window of an exploding factory. (Volkswagen)
Drop a TV camera off a high peak while filming a commercial. (Sony)
Take a stock car racing through an obstacle course. (Subaru)
Breakdance across the tops of a line of brand new cars. (Mazda)
Eat a five-dollar roll of...
Olympic Preview
(Sometimes - like with obituaries - you have to have your story written before the fact, so with that in mind I’m just going to go ahead and post what I would’ve posted Saturday today:)
Opening Scaremony
When that Olympic flame ignited the sky I didn’t know if it was some awesome pyrotechnics that they planned or if it was the drugs I was on or what, but damn, the way that air...
Rielleity TV
So, how’s John Edwards gonna get out of this one?
Well, Edwards was a talented and dedicated public servant…so for the good of America I will throw out a plausible way he could escape this controversy and maybe even increase his popularity.
The media campaign to save his political future should be rolled-out like this:
FIRST APPEARANCE: THE MAURY POVICH SHOW
Rielle Hunter takes the...
Good Band Name:
The Vegetarian Scones
Bill Belichick Sex Tape
New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick is rumored to have a sex tape of him with a married woman that’s fallen into the hands of her husband…
The man can’t help it.
Film study is his whole life - it’s the key to success, the most important thing in attaining victory.
I just imagine him and the woman afterwards - he’s got the telestrator, he knows exactly what...