November 2008
39 posts
SUCKONOMIX
The Hidden Side of Being Poor
Today I wanted to talk about the importance of adapting to the environment you’re in when executing creative anti-poverty strategies.
For instance, I live in Brooklyn. There are certain places I have to spend money at. It’s simply a matter of managing how you spend what little you have…
The bodega is a great example - New Yorkers know that at the...
Not really "ha-ha" funny
First Ellen gets a variety show…
Then Rosie gets a variety show…
Then Wanda Sykes comes out of the closet?
C’mon!
Blah, blah, blah… PUNCHLINE: John Mayer gets a variety show…
Gold.
That's when the Brooklyn comes out in you...
When you’re in New York state, but not in The City…and someone says something friendly to you - it’s alarming - why is this person being nice to me?
And why the fuck are they looking at me?
When that man looked at me and exclaimed “Hi, how are you doing?” I was startled by this friendliness…when you’re back in the Midwest, it’s expected that...
The BEST Part About NYC:
You can spit anywhere, anytime!
There’s no annoying, public decorum that anyone follows about repeatedly hocking a loud one up and just spitting it out wherever…
So freeing… in the Midwest I think you can be arrested for spitting at some sort of public gathering area with cops around…
Not here! Spit away!
Tony in Real Life Part II
Seems like more and more these days on the subway I’m seeing couples listening to one i-Pod together…
Is that really enjoyable to listen to music that way? With one little ear bud thing - on the loud, obnoxious subway?
It looks ridiculous too, I’ve gotta say…
Thanxgiving Recipe
Well, I call it TURDUCKENIJUANA…It’s a turkey, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken, stuffed with…a, uhm…I forget what the last part is…
Tony in Real Life
on the R train in Brooklyn, Tuesday night, I saw:
Crazy Homeless Woman from halfway across the car to Cute Young Woman reading her book:
CRAZY HOMELESS WOMAN
Hello? HELLO!?!?
Cute Young Woman looks up, makes unfortunate eye contact, and quickly tries to continue reading as Crazy Homeless Woman walks up, sits down next to her, and starts nudging her with her shoulder.
CUTE YOUNG WOMAN
Get...
HEY! "Nation of Whiners"
I’m getting sick and tired of all the doom & gloom!
Did you know in Chinese script crisis and opportunity are the same character?!?!?!
The times have never been better!
Just a quick scan of the jobs for today shows some amazing new career opportunities…
Like:
$100 if you’re chosen as a scavenger hunt game show contestant - which is more than a job, it could lead to a big...
On this week’s Too Jaded Failures…
…chinese democracy…for the guys in legal…the robbie williams generation…
‘Cause I’m the miggity miggity miggity miggity mack daddy / The miggity miggity miggity miggity mack / ‘Cause I’m the miggity miggity miggity miggity mack daddy / The miggity miggity miggity miggity mack / I make you wanna…...
Good Band Name:
The Late-Day Sell-Off’s
Site Fun Fact!
Number of times I’ve stopped and abandoned a post midway through writing it today because it crossed way too far into “too bitter” territory?
54
What getting out of bed this morning proved:
That I shouldn’t have…
“Unhappy people watch more TV”
Imagine the people working in TV…
MARK CUBAN CHARGED WITH INSIDER TRADING
He should’ve been arrested for that Jason Kidd trade…
This Day In Site History: November 17, 1978
Today we go back in the archives to see what was happening on the site on this day… 30 years ago:
HOLY SHIT…I’m BORN!!!
Shit was all-good until about 8:00 this mornin’ when some crazy stuff started happening! Some really crazy stuff…
As you all know, I loves me some womb… Well, for whatever reason it turned out I wasn’t going to be spending anymore...
Bad Pick-Up Line:
So…what with Obama and all, I thought we should get to work on an interracial kid together…
It'd be awesome
if the Minnesota Senate race recount led to a tie. Then another recount. Then another tie.
And the historic decision to have Franken & Coleman serve the state as Co-Senators!
They have to come to an agreement over each vote, caucus with each other and not leak damaging info on the other side, share an office, and (due to some weird state constitutional technicality) live together!
...
The only thing that makes NYC work:
I might be crazier than you.
For those in a loveless marriage or...
Consider Dubai for your next horrible vacation!
It’s actually forbidden for you to show affection in public now!
So let those annoying, happy couples go to Paris or Rome… You belong in Dubai! Where it’s illegal for you to touch her in public!
The Burj Al Arab hotel is so serious about keeping the atmosphere of their resort sex-free that they’ve booked me, Tony “The...
On this week’s Too Jaded Failures…
…crisis averted…liberals and their recycling…giving up your seat on the subway…
You get what you pay for. Listen! Subscribe! Damn!
INT. OFFICE - DAY
President-elect BARACK OBAMA walks into his office and sits at his desk. He picks up the phone.
VOICEMAIL
You have fourteen new messages. To hear your-
Obama presses a button. BEEP.
VOICEMAIL
First new message…
BIDEN (V.O.)
Hey, buddy! I should say Mr. President-elect! Joe Biden here!
Obama presses a button. BEEP.
VOICEMAIL
Second new message…
BIDEN...
The woman from the news just said
“Police search for the killer of a 14-year old…after the game…”
WHY ARE THEY WAITING FOR THE GAME TO GET OVER WITH? Shouldn’t they be searching for the killer NOW!
At the bars:
Sometimes it’s not happenin’ and sometimes it just ain’t happenin’!
Dear Prospective Employer,
I hope your company’s insurance policy covers curses, because if you decide to hire me I’ll be bringing it with me to the office everyday!
...
JUST ASKING
WHICH former Vice Presidential candidate brilliantly leaked an untrue story about herself (to Fox News!) that said she supposedly thought Africa was a country in order to delegitimize the press (even more) in the eyes of her eager supporters and to make them cast doubt on other (actually true) stories that will come out about how “unprepared” she was in order to strengthen her hand for...
I knew it was over yesterday when…McCain’s plane had trouble landing on the way to the final rally…Could there have been any more metaphoric ending to this campaign for him than that? It’s been a lifelong problem for him, really…
What has Obama done for me? Well, last night in Brooklyn the wealth redistribution was already underway! I got many free shots, a free...
THE BOCK EFFECT
THE BOCK EFFECT is a theory proposed to explain observed discrepancies between media people’s stated opinion to Tony Bock and production outcomes that pay and feature Tony Bock.
Basically, it means someone says publicly how excited they are to work with Tony Bock, but when it actually comes time to fund production, put Tony Bock in said production and then release the finished...
My exit polling*
Indicates Barack Hussein Obama will win the Presidency with 100% of the Vote!!!
* - Exit poll conducted at my voting place in Park Slope, Brooklyn
Don't tell work...
but what I meant by “casting” was “doing” and what I meant by “my ballot” was “my double shot” and what I meant by “at the polling place” was “at the bar.”
Good Band Name:
Coping Mechanism